Gathering Peer Feedback
Feedback Assignment Module 10
Fill out this feedback form on two classmate’s final project draft and attach it to your reply post.
Fill out this feedback form on your own final project draft.
Comment on each of the following with 3-5 sentences under each heading:
Thesis or Claim
Things to consider: focused/unfocused. Is it clear what point the writer is trying to make? Explain.
The explanation seems inappropriate for the audience—telling readers too much or too little. Is there a logical progression to the claim?
The thesis of this essay on Autism is focused and clear, as well as backed with substantial evidence. The author demonstrates how many studies such as the MMR, as well as a study on bowel disease are not linked to understanding the root cause of Autism. The author also gives a history of Autism and the ailment stemming back to the 1900s and discusses how the presence of Autism in a child when born may be genetically linked. She also discusses how although the ailment has been present since the 1900s, it is only since 1991 that school boards in the United States have recognized Autism to deal with within the school system.
Organization
Was the essay easy or hard to follow? Were the basic sections (Introduction, Conclusion, Reference Page, etc.) adequate? If not, what is missing? Was the material ordered in a way that was logical, clear, easy to follow? Explain. Do the paragraphs have topic sentences and transition sentences?
The essay was easy to follow with a clear introduction, conclusion and reference page. There was also thorough research done on this topic and a wide variety of topics pertaining to Autism were discussed in this essay. The paragraphs and the topic sentences, as well as the transition sentences also created a logical, clear and easy to follow flow to the essay.
Definitions and Backing
Are the definitions of terms likely to be unfamiliar to readers adequate? Examples don’t seem to have a clear purpose or point. Do the readers need background information or historical information?
The reader is introduced to the term Autism which some readers may not know. Clear definitions are provided and the reader also mentions the DSM-V which is the psychiatric definition manual that also defines what Autism is. The writer is also very, very good with providing a historical background to the ailment of Autism.
Proofreading
Some things to look for in your proofreading
Capitalization used incorrectly or missing
Dangling prepositions
Incorrect use of prepositions
Incorrect use of pronouns
Incorrect use of verb forms or verb tenses
Language is too informal
Run-on sentences
Sentence fragments
Spelling errors (was spell check used?)
Typos
Missing endings of words
Omitted words
Punctuation errors
Repeated words
Sentence structure is too complex
Subject verb disagreement
Switching from one tense to another
Too much slang
Incorrect use of vocabulary
Confusing homophones
The essay is proofread well and follows all of the 20 points listed above.
Argument
Is it difficult to see exactly why the writer takes the position? Is there a cued, logical progression to the argument? Would the argument would be stronger if the points were arranged in a different order? Are the examples, anecdotes, statistics, etc.? Analyze
It is not difficult to see why the writer takes the position that she does. She backs up all of her information with sound evidence and examples. The essay is also well written.
Format
Some of the things to consider about the format of the paper
Title page in APA format
Page number in right hand corner (included on every page)
Running head with abbreviated title in left hand corner
Title of paper, name and college name
Author's note
Margins 1 inch on all sides
The reference page is included at the end of the paper
All references are listed in-text within the body of the paper
Times New Roman font
12 point font
Page titled: References (centered)
Double spaced
References continued on either the 2nd or 3rd line are in a hanging indent
Multiple types of sources referenced (book, journal article, website)
Sources are credible, accurate and relevant (peer reviewed, date, unbiased)
Sources contain more than one point of view
Body of the paper with in-text
Direct quotes have quotations around them and are exact words of the original source
Direct quotes should have a page number from a book or journal
Direct quotes should have a paragraph number from a website
Summary/Paraphrase should be in the student's voice, not the original source's
Complete title of paper centered at the top of the first page
Abbreviated title in left hand corner of every page
The format of the essay is strong and follows all of the 23 points listed above.
Comment on each of the following with 3-5 sentences under each heading:
Thesis or Claim
Things to consider: focused/unfocused. Is it clear what point the writer is trying to make? Explain.
The explanation seems inappropriate for the audience—telling readers too much or too little. Is there a logical progression to the claim?
The thesis of this writer is focused and clear. The subject of childhood obesity is an important one and the thesis and the position of encouraging Physical Education classes in school is an important one. There is also a logical progression between the thesis and the developing paragraphs within the essay with a number of references used.
Organization
Was the essay easy or hard to follow? Were the basic sections (Introduction, Conclusion, Reference Page, etc.) adequate? If not, what is missing? Was the material ordered in a way that was logical, clear, easy to follow? Explain. Do the paragraphs have topic sentences and transition sentences?
There is a clear introduction giving background to the author’s position, as well a clear conclusion and thoroughly done reference page. The references are also cited well within the essay. The paragraphs have topic sentences and are well done, plus there are strong transition sentences between the paragraphs.
Definitions and Backing
Are the definitions of terms likely to be unfamiliar to readers adequate? Examples don’t seem to have a clear purpose or point. Do the readers need background information or historical information?
For this essay there is not really any complicated terms that need to be defined. The issue of childhood obesity is a simple one that most people at the college level would understand, as well as the reader of the essay. The issue is clearly explained and backed by strong evidence through the references.
Proofreading
Some things to look for in your proofreading
Capitalization used incorrectly or missing
Dangling prepositions
Incorrect use of prepositions
Incorrect use of pronouns
Incorrect use of verb forms or verb tenses
Language is too informal
Run-on sentences
Sentence fragments
Spelling errors (was spell check used?)
Typos
Missing endings of words
Omitted words
Punctuation errors
Repeated words
Sentence structure is too complex
Subject verb disagreement
Switching from one tense to another
Too much slang
Incorrect use of vocabulary
Confusing homophones
The essay is proofread well following all of the 20 points mentioned above. The only exception is that there is a space amongst two words in the essay which is a slight spacing issue.
Argument
Is it difficult to see exactly why the writer takes the position? Is there a cued, logical progression to the argument? Would the argument would be stronger if the points were arranged in a different order? Are the examples, anecdotes, statistics, etc.? Analyze
The argument of there being more Physical Education classes to combat childhood obesity in the United States is made strong and consistently throughout the essay. There are key examples, anecdotes and credible statistics which are used. The essay is based on clear facts rather than conjecture.
Format
Some of the things to consider about the format of the paper
Title page in APA format
Page number in right hand corner (included on every page)
Running head with abbreviated title in left hand corner
Title of paper, name and college name
Author's note
Margins 1 inch on all sides
The reference page is included at the end of the paper
All references are listed in-text within the body of the paper
Times New Roman font
12 point font
Page titled: References (centered)
Double spaced
References continued on either the 2nd or 3rd line are in a hanging indent
Multiple types of sources referenced (book, journal article, website)
Sources are credible, accurate and relevant (peer reviewed, date, unbiased)
Sources contain more than one point of view
Body of the paper with in-text
Direct quotes have quotations around them and are exact words of the original source
Direct quotes should have a page number from a book or journal
Direct quotes should have a paragraph number from a website
Summary/Paraphrase should be in the student's voice, not the original source's
Complete title of paper centered at the top of the first page
Abbreviated title in left hand corner of every page
The format of the essay is very well done. All of the key 23 points above are all clearly done within the essay.
Comment on each of the following with 3-5 sentences under each heading:
Thesis or Claim
Things to consider: focused/unfocused. Is it clear what point the writer is trying to make? Explain.
The explanation seems inappropriate for the audience—telling readers too much or too little. Is there a logical progression to the claim?
This essay is a great start and is getting very close to a final draft. The thesis is focused now with the editing, as well the essay is well-researched on the topic of immunizations. The essay also has an impressive amount of reference materials.
Organization
Was the essay easy or hard to follow? Were the basic sections (Introduction, Conclusion, Reference Page, etc.) adequate? If not, what is missing? Was the material ordered in a way that was logical, clear, easy to follow? Explain. Do the paragraphs have topic sentences and transition sentences?
This essay was not as easy to follow since it is in rough draft format and was still at the editing stage. The markers and editing marks within the essay made it difficult to follow the essay. Most of the construction of the essay was easy to follow, however the editing process and lack of it being a final draft impaired the ease of reading a bit.
Definitions and Backing
Are the definitions of terms likely to be unfamiliar to readers adequate? Examples don’t seem to have a clear purpose or point. Do the readers need background information or historical information?
The writer could of done a better job of explaining such terminology such as Hepatitis B and the Chicken Pox for those people who may not know what these illnesses are. This was the only thing that was truly lacking in the essay. As well, the writer could have included some historical information concerning the immunization process within the United States for her essay.
Proofreading
Some things to look for in your proofreading
Capitalization used incorrectly or missing
Dangling prepositions
Incorrect use of prepositions
Incorrect use of pronouns
Incorrect use of verb forms or verb tenses
Language is too informal
Run-on sentences
Sentence fragments
Spelling errors (was spell check used?)
Typos
Missing endings of words
Omitted words
Punctuation errors
Repeated words
Sentence structure is too complex
Subject verb disagreement
Switching from one tense to another
Too much slang
Incorrect use of vocabulary
Confusing homophones
There were many things that needed to be corrected for this essay in terms of proofreading which is why it was a rough draft.
Argument
Is it difficult to see exactly why the writer takes the position? Is there a cued, logical progression to the argument? Would the argument would be stronger if the points were arranged in a different order? Are the examples, anecdotes, statistics, etc.? Analyze
The argument of the essay was very, very good. The position that the writer took was backed by strong evidence and sound research skills.
Format
Some of the things to consider about the format of the paper
Title page in APA format
Page number in right hand corner (included on every page)
Running head with abbreviated title in left hand corner
Title of paper, name and college name
Author's note
Margins 1 inch on all sides
The reference page is included at the end of the paper
All references are listed in-text within the body of the paper
Times New Roman font
12 point font
Page titled: References (centered)
Double spaced
References continued on either the 2nd or 3rd line are in a hanging indent
Multiple types of sources referenced (book, journal article, website)
Sources are credible, accurate and relevant (peer reviewed, date, unbiased)
Sources contain more than one point of view
Body of the paper with in-text
Direct quotes have quotations around them and are exact words of the original source
Direct quotes should have a page number from a book or journal
Direct quotes should have a paragraph number from a website
Summary/Paraphrase should be in the student's voice, not the original source's
Complete title of paper centered at the top of the first page
Abbreviated title in left hand corner of every page
The format of the essay was good, however still required some editing. Most of these 23 points were met in the essay.
